On listening and connecting with people

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

~ Ernest Hemingway

I came across another abosolutely great article today that made my heart pound when I was reading it. Click here for the content. It’s on Thought Catalogue again but it was originally from Raptitude.com which has totally captured my attention, but that would be for another post once I’ve delved deeper into the content of the site.

Anyway, the article was so good it made my heart pound. I’m serious. It’s a long one but I read it all the way till the end. I feel relieved that there are people out there who just simply gets this sort of ideas, for I find it rare for people to consciously admit to these ideas.

It’s almost like people are almost scared to try and be a better human. We all have faults but yet some are brave enough to admit, while others are cowardly enough to shun from it for the whole of their lives. And out of the brave ones who dare admit their flaws, how many of them actually commit to changing it consciously? Why is it that we humans are always so selfish and full of our own useless selves?

There is no strength in just one person, for ideas do not flow and strong organisations cannot be set up. What the human heart is gifted with is the ability to love, cherish, and derive happiness from successfully working together, that sets us apart from other animals. Why so then, are we taken over by the traits like greed and selfishness, that when used right they are actually capable of producing functioning, maybe even positive results, but when in abudance, only drives us into our own graves?

It is in relief that I read and share the article, yet at the same time reading the comments made me frown that there are still people who are still unkind and selfish in their own opinions. It is worrisome, but share it some more, and hopefully a portion of these worries of mine will be uncalled for.

Here are excerpts from the article that I absolutey loved:

What they say, in terms of what words come out of their mouth, is just a tiny fraction of what they are communicating.  The real message is not what they say.  The real message is why. Where are these words coming from? That why is what tells us who they are and what they value.

The speaker is rarely just trying to relay basic information to you.  Almost always, they are speaking up because there is some visceral desire to express what they are feeling right now.  Speech is always triggered by a passion, a worry, a judgment, a realization, or some other internal encounter with an emotion of some kind.  If your friend suddenly brings up her job, it isn’t because she wants you to be well-informed about her situation at work, it’s because her job is on her mind and she wants to get it out of her mind. Respect that need and she will not only be grateful, but suddenly she’ll be much more likely to take an interest in what’s on your mind.

Really, really listen to what they say, and recognize that they are saying what they’re saying because it is important to them.  In every single thing every person says, they reveal what they value.  When you can get a glimpse of what people value, you can see the humanity in them.  And that is how humans connect: by understanding each other’s values.  You don’t have to share those values, though you’ll certainly find you share something with everyone.

The specifics of his anecdotes are not so important; it’s the glint of excitement in his eyes, and more importantly, the enthusiasm that swells in him when he realizes somebody is actually being receptive to his story.  I reserve my judgments; there’s no need to batter anyone over the head with my own stances.  There would be no communication at all if I did that.  Judgments just get in the way and do neither party any good.

On being an artist

So here’s another article by Jeff Goins, The World Needs More Artists.

What he says is true. And I quote:

We need art

These friends of mine — these artists — are doing something that borderlines on obsession. They’re tirelessly working their fingers to the bone to create something important and meaningful. They’re spending more time on their craft than they ever will be rewarded for.

But none of that matters to them. Because they’re creating art. And while the “reward” may never come, they will leave a legacy.

Art allows us to see the invisible, to call forth light in a world shrouded in darkness. It speaks to that most real part of ourselves we’ve forgotten. It transcends circumstance and gives perspective.

And this:

If it’s excellent, and nobody sees it, it doesn’t count. If it’s on display for the world to see, but ordinary, it’s irrelevant.

The path to compelling work lies somewhere in between the two extremes of genius-but-invisible and ordinary-but-in-your face.

Only the artist knows the true balance; only she can find the harmony. This is the person with the taste and passion to make meaningful work. She’s the ones with enough gumption to create change. These people — true artists — are rare. And for good reason.

If this resonates with you, you’re an artist, and don’t ever do your work for money, do it for passion. It’s the one favor for the rest of the world.

Instant poetry on the streets

I came across this article, and thought it pretty. I read it till the very end.

For how many people can actually have that kind of silent drive to do something so simple yet so out of the norm, and to do it so unquestioningly that passers-by do not doubt you, but silently support you with time to come?

So many of us here now tend the worry about the money, the rent, the non-existent career, or the career whose first stepping stone has been laid out but yet to be unfolded.

We’re all missing the point. The point of living is no longer about preparing for your retirement, about possessing all the selfish gold, or about proving to others who you can be.

I find that voices of passions and freedom are increasingly stronger than ever. People now speak not of how to accumulate wealth as in gold, but how to accumulate wealth as in a fulfilled life with abundant love and passions. And the audience listens attentively and nods in unison.

Money isn’t about everything, world. The only thing money can buy, I admit, is convenience. To take the cab to get home faster instead of the public bus; to pay more for house movers instead of doing it on your own; to book comfortable hotels that provides room service instead of dingy hostels, et cetera.

But really, when your life is filled with passions and your convinced self that you lead a life well led, there is really all the right reasons there that can assure you that accumulated wealth in your pockets aren’t all that there is in life.

Start thinking selflessly, about spreading love and passions, silly as it sounds, but I think our generation now is starting to realise that each of us is capable of inspiring others, with our words and what comes from within the soul, not with money.

Read the article and let me know if you guys get what I’m talking about at all.

 

On productivity and wasting time

It’s been months that I’ve been holing up like a mole, coming out of my hideout only when I deem it necessary. It’s been unhealthy, but there’s still a silent kind of purpose underlying it all. It’s my quiet time, and I just can’t have enough of it.

I can say I’m wasting time, wasting my life away, not doing anything ‘productive’, by measures of society’s typical expectations. I am not working, nor studying. I am purely doing what I want to do each day with no planning ahead, no drive nor rush to complete certain tasks.

But that’s not to say that goals are non existent in the vision. I still see them, they lay ahead of me.

“Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.” – John Lennon

And that is apt, for all the quiet time spent is spent with the intangibles, the things that go on in our minds, questioning and seeking answers and questioning again, things that would not have been done should I be busy with my life.

I came across this article by Joel Lovell with George Saunders’s convocation speech where he gives advice to graduating students, and tells them how learning to be kind can and should be one of the goals in life. He then proceeds to sum up the speech and his reason behind advocating kindness, with a more purposeful reason:

So, quick, end-of-speech advice: Since, according to me, your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up.  Speed it along.  Start right now.  There’s a confusion in each of us, a sickness, really: selfishness.  But there’s also a cure.  So be a good and proactive and even somewhat desperate patient on your own behalf – seek out the most efficacious anti-selfishness medicines, energetically, for the rest of your life.

Do all the other things, the ambitious things – travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop) – but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.  Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial.  That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality – your soul, if you will – is as bright and shining as any that has ever been.  Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Theresa’s.  Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place.  Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.

That last sentence in bold right there is like a validation of the phase I’m in. Call it an excuse, or not, but to “believe it exists” and to “come to know it better” is like taking a leap of faith, which of course required some time. 

I hope there will be someone equally wise at my graduation to share the same kind of wisdom. I hope that person can remind me then, and all the other students, of what life can be if you let it.

On passion and willingness

Last night I came across this post by Marcus Brotherton on the Art of Manliness, in which he provided some thoughtful insight on the definition of passion.

“If we define passion as always loving what we’re doing, then we need to broaden our definition of passion, because success in leadership is certainly not about feeling good all the time.

Another leader, St. Paul of Tarsus, put it this way: “Be leaders, not because you must, but because you’re willing.”

That’s what’s needed.

Willingness.

When the battle isn’t over, willingness gets things done.”

This is so apt for me during this period of time, being sick of the one thing that has gotten me here. I’m constantly dragging myself along with forced passion, perhaps out of willingness, but here’s to hoping the willingness will pay off and things will be done, maybe even well.

It’s interesting how new meaning is constantly being put into words these days, new meanings that provides new insights and connotations. New perspectives constantly evolving over words like passion, happiness, life.

And Art of Manliness is a real good read at times, the perspectives and insights they provide are always so well thought out and put together. It pinpoints the easily overlooked details and hits the bulls’ eye like no other, with great summarised articles.

A rational train of thought in the fashion industry

Finally, a rational voice in an industry full of light-headedness and lost souls. Reading this article made me sigh with relief that there’s a sane mind out there who can still see the light clearly and isn’t afraid to voice it out. Read Colin Mcdowell’s thoughts on ‘the sorry state of fashion criticism and why fashion needs its Fourth Estate more than ever’ here.

Indeed, this is one of the key reasons why fashion is not in a good place today. Whereas most art forms are kept on their toes by informed commentary, the fashion world has virtually none. No wonder it is currently so unhealthy that the only news that it can proudly muster concerns store openings, profit reports and the continual musical chairs of designer appointments and departures. Never a word about creativity.

True critics assess literature, theatre, film, music, architecture, painting, sculpture and other creative endeavours that have intellectual content. The rest are more correctly seen as commentators, no matter what grandiose titles they choose for themselves.

In the ongoing battle of words, it is important to ask which, if any, is doing a job of any serious significance for the ultimate standards of fashion, now or in the future. The commentator? The PR? The vindictive designer who has lost his head by believing what his paid minions tell him?

Whilst they are pondering, perhaps they might all remember that a true creator always accepts criticism without rancour and, of course, never replies.

So perfectly summed up. Reading this in the morning brings a kind of reassurance no other fashion article can. Fashion blogs and magazines out there, less light-headedness and more realistic substance please? I believe as years go by the human population gets smarter as the number of earned degrees increases, so naturally the standards of fashion publishing should be relooked, no?

Manic Pixie Dream Girl

“Stories matter. Stories are how we make sense of the world, which doesn’t mean that those stories can’t be stupid and simplistic and full of lies.

Not being sure what story you’re in anymore is a different experience depending on whether or not you were expecting to be the hero of that story. Low-status men, and especially women and girls, often don’t have that expectation. We expect to be forgettable supporting characters, or sometimes, if we’re lucky, attainable objects to be slung over the hero’s shoulder and carried off the end of the final page. The only way we get to be in stories is to be stories ourselves.”

Read this fascinating post on feminism, written is such an aptly current way that is relevant to the young generations of our era.

“I was a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

Men grow up expecting to be the hero of their own story. Women grow up expecting to be the supporting actress in somebody else’s.”

Have a great Monday.

Spoken Poetry

“If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she’s gonna call me Point B … ” by Sarah Kay

Truly inspiring, this is one whose chain of words string up to form beautiful sentences. The beauty of her prose is almost perfect, such that I hang on to every word, anticipating the next. View her website at http://www.kaysarahsera.com/, and you can watch this video here as well to see her words come alive.